Sunday, October 23, 2011

The blog update that I never wanted wanted to do.

the night of October 14th and early morning of October 15th
The last time I had ever seen Elvis alive was from a sidewalk of him being put into a med life helicopter because I was not "considered" family this was the closest I could get to seeing the last little bit of life in my brother Elvis. I will never forget this night. I couldve slit everyones throat in that hospital who told me we coudlnt see him or they couldnt even tell us what was going on. Never in my entire life had so much hatred and confusion. I will never ever forget standing on that side walk in the freezing cold watching that helicopter fly a couple feet over my head just telling that bastard that he better not die on me and leave me here alone in Georgia. I needed him here he was the glue to everything in my life. We made that hr drive to chatanooga we're he was being medflighted we didnt even make it in the parking garage before I knew. I just got out of the car before kalieb could even park it and just knew. I'll never forget all the people that were outside the emergency room that night complete strangers and I just couldnt understand how they could just stand there staring and watch as we cried and cussed and asked why. I just felt like why is everyone around us right now not upset we just lost the most wonderful person to ever grace this earth I thought that even strangers who never knew him just had a horrible lost as well. We all just wanted him back. Worst day of my entire fucking life so much screaming so much crying so much anger so much depression. He died doing what he loved. He rode hard he rode long he rode the fuck out of that bike. We told eachother alot that we loved eachother in a silly type of way. Just wish I had the chance to sit him down one more time and tell him "No, really I love you and i need you here. you keep everything together. You balance EVERYTHING out" Everything is in pieces I am in pieces noone can ever put all this back together I have never in my entire life been put in a situation where I dont know what to do I dont know where to go from here. The future was all planned out....All I can do is carry on and take it day by day figure it all out day by day. Do everything I told you I would always do. Be a badass at everything I told you I would always be a badass at. I'll never forget the way you use to laugh at me when I told you I was going to do something outragious, The way you made me feel like a 5 star chef the way my mash potatoes would make you swoon, The way you were always there when me and kalieb werent clicking, the way you would always fold your sheets in the morning... I would wake up and you would be watching squidbillies or playing pandora on your phone loud as hell, The way you would always ask me if your pretty, The way you would drop everything in the world to help me... I still can't thank you enough the day you drove an hr and a half at night to help me paint the laundry room, the way you would carry me if my feet were ever hurt from wearing ridiciliously big heels, the way you always made sure I approved of every girl that came into your life and If I told you no you told her no. I dont even have to say that I will never forget you cuz i would have to be in a fuckin comma to ever forget your rowdy ass. Your up in the sky right now ridin that panhead you always wanted... hangin with indian larry surfin tanks bein the hardass you've always been. Watchin over me (yeah mother fucker I know its you that keeps fuckin with me, knock it off or you'll get a big ol' beatin when I come to join you one day!) I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU and I miss you so much more with each passing day but its so comforting to know that your now always by my side always have my back always in my heart. Love you Brother.

"She's a high flyin' lady
She takes me where I want to be
There's no other woman
Standing between her and me
I'll always be faithful
And keep her 'til the end of time
God knows I'll always love
That old Panhead of mine
I've seen fancy dressers
And they've caught my eye
I rode'em to ride'em
Then I told them goodbye
I flirted with Low Riders
Sportsters and Shovelheads too
I cussed her and beat her
And kicked her to just get her started
A couple of times
God knows I'll always love
that old panhead of mine"

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